Tapping the cards, so you don’t have to <Insert catchier slogan>
Editors note:
I’m still getting over GP Utrecht, Me, D-Dawg, Chaney and Jon went there with the best intentions to have good clean fun playing our favourite card game. Sadly Utrecht is some 20 minute train ride from Amsterdam…what ensued was less than wholesome. Mind, Body and Wallet all took a beating. What came of this madness we’ll unfold over the next couple of weeks, though in the haze of misadventure we found a Guru, one who could show us the one true path to sweet sweet air tight cardboard mastery.
The Correct Play Dog.
In his inifinite wisdom and generosity he has agreed to help with these Q&A sessions. If you have a problem and no one else can help, you can email to correctplaydog@gmail.com, Correct Play Dog can come to your aid.
Warning! The answers and language used in this article may be construed as offensive so only please proceed if you can handle the truth.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
I’ve been trying to make Gifts Ungiven work in Modern but all my decks suck. Please help me!
Yours in desperation,
Ryan Salter Scrub Scrubberton
A:
Dear Scrub Scrubberton,
Oh man, I love Gifts Ungiven! The flexibility is so strong and it’s power is only limited by your capabilities. You can counter, bounce, tap a team and draw a card.
Simply Incredible. I’m surprised you’ve been doing badly with it in your Modern decks…
What?!
Sorry Scrub Scrubberton, I thought you were talking about Cryptic Command. Things must have been lost in translation from Dog to Human. No they haven’t? You still want to play this card?
Why the flip would you want to play any other Blue 4 Mana spell?
Ok, first question is how many are you running? 4?… You need at least 12 copies.. No, hear me out.
So how many tutors have they printed to date? Demonic Tutor, Diabolic Tutor, Mystical Tutor is particularly good here. Wow that’s 16 copies of Gifts already. I’m no mathematician but 16 x Gifts equals over 9000!
Seems the obvious choice to me.
If I’m not mistaken if you jam in 20 “copies” you’ll draw it in your opening 7 with 98.6% certainty. Consistency is key. In fact the best thing would be to buy out every single copy of Gifts and then trade them all in for a set of Cryptic Commands.
Sweet sweet Cryptic Command.
EOT, Gifts Ungiven for: Smug Answer, #tightplays, Winning and Witty Banter.
Pick 2 for me to keep please.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
Help! I haven’t studied for my Latin exam and the test is first thing tomorrow.
What do I do!
Yours,
Last Minute Crammer.
A:
Don’t worry Last Minute Crammer, the only Latin you need is Ad Nauseam, actually make that LAD Nauseam. Amirite?
P.S
I’m always right.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
There is this girl I’ve got a crush on at work. We get on really well and I want to ask her out on a date but I get nervous everytime it comes to it.
Can you help this Romeo get his Juliet?
Yours,
Hopelessly in Love
A:
Dear Hopelessly in Love,
Time on the round pal, you have 5 extra turns starting with the active playa (you btw).
If you leave things too late instead of being in the Red Zone* you’ll be in the Friend Zone.
How to avoid this? Attraction is based on 2 things, Correct Plays and Correct Plays.
Luckily I have a plan to address this. Do you even lift? You better start. You need to do 50 reps of Goldfishing with the most expensive decks available every day followed by watching back to back Youtube Deck Tech Videos for 3 hours, the autoplay function will help.
Next foil out your decks. All of them. It will definitely help you play better and when you win you can say “still had all dese!” and reveal your hand of immaculate foil cards. The shine will blind your opponent and the look of dismay on their faces will give you the confidence needed to ask her out.
*By Red Zone I mean her heart not anything else you filthy boy.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
How do you get red wine stains out of a carpet?
Yours,
Careless Spiller.
A:
Dear Careless Splasher,
Jizz.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
How do you get Jizz out of a carpet?
Yours,
Careless Splasher
A:
Dear Careless Splasher,
Red Wine.
Q:
Dear Correct Play Dog,
I’ve seen a lot of Amulet Bloom lists though I’m not too sure which is the best build, can you let me know before I spend my hard earned cash moneyz? I want something with as many Turn One wins as possible.
Yours,
Tier Two Netdecker
A:
Dear Tier Two Netdecker,
I can certainly help! When I was a young pup, I backpacked through the majestic Andes Range and visited the Incan citadel of Machu Picchu. There I was able to translate the ancient writings scribed into the walls of their temples. From this, I learnt that they had foretold this deck and had crafted tech so secret and deadly that it could crush in any metagame.
Here is the translation as I found it:
Take a stock Amulet Bloom List and subtract 75 cards and add the following.
Lands (16)
1 x Island
4 x Darksteel Citadel
3 x Glimmervoid
4 x Blinkmoth Nexus
4 x Inkmoth Nexus
Spells (17)
3 x Thoughtcast
3 x Springleaf Drum
4 x Mox Opal
4 x Cranial Plating
3 x Galvanic Blast
Creatures (27)
3 x Memnite
3 x Ornithopter
4 x Signal Pest
4 x Vault Skirge
4 x Signal Pest
3 x Steel Overseer
4 x Arcbound Ravager
4 x Etched Champion
2 x Master of Etherium
Sideboard (15)
3 x Spell Pierce 1 x Spellskite 2 x Blood Moon
1 x Rest in Peace 2 x Thoughtseize 2 x Ancient Grudge
1 x Ray of Revelation 2 x Whipflare 1 x Wear/Tear
Hope that helps, Tier Two Netdecker. Remember though I can only show you the door, you have to be the one who walks through it.
Editor:
That rounds up this installment of Correct Play Dog: Questions and Answers. Our canine guru must ride off into the sunset in order to help the needy and fight against injustice.
If you have a burning question that you need answered please email: correctplaydog@gmail.com
The Hawk Report 
Dear correct play dawg…
Q: The wife and I are going to a wedding in Cornwall this weekend and I’ve just realised I don’t have a wedding gift – at such short notice what do you suggest I get the happy couple?
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